Crepe Me Baby One More Time

I came to Paris with low expectations, and a rufus playlist. I left an international supermodel and street performer.

On the way to Paris, Lyndsy mentioned someone once told her you could eat a crepe for every meal in Paris. Yeah... she shouldn't have said that in front of me. A new game! I learned my one French saying "avez vous des crepe? tres bon!" or "Do you have any crepes? Awesome!" That's all I needed to know to survive in this city. As soon as we got off the metro I snagged myself crepe #1. Nutella... Heaven... whatever you want to call it!

The next morning I had a lemon and sugar crepe (crepe #2) for breakfast on our way sightseeing. We hit up the Pantheon (which they totally ripped off from our state capital)

and found this gardeny place where we decided to be this naked boy holding his coat & a sword... without the being naked... or a boy... or having a sword. But we totally had jackets, so you get the picture.

As I was strolling through that same park, I noticed Megs had passed out into a giant fire ant bed and was rolling into a giant pit of quick sand!! I immediately ran over to rescue her and as I did the city of Paris erected a statue in my honor. That was fast.

After saving Meghan's life, we set off to find the hunchback.

This is an interesting story... We wanted to take a picture with this random guy with a pink mohawk. Turns out he works for some Paris walking tour, and they were taking pictures for a new bike tour they're starting up. They asked us to be in their photo-shoot... we agreed. So next time you're in Paris look for me. I'm all over billboards, posters, and commercials. They even have huge murals of me on the wall of the subway. The hoodlums of Paris will soon be coloring my teeth black (they still think that's a riot over there).

After making our new friends, we decided to take the walking tour. But first I had to grab a chicken & cheese crepe (crepe #3). The tour was extremely informative. I feel alright putting my seal of approval on it. Here we are with our tour guide.

We saw the Pont Neuf where some king put faces of his drunk friends all over the side... French kings! What are we going to do with them??

After our walking tour, man was I ready for a crepe (#4). Then we went to the Louvre and saw Mona Lisa 83% smiling.

Now Megs' birthday was the next day. We decided she should turn 21 under the eiffel tower with a bottle of wine and a baguet. We couldn't find a baguet at 11:30 though, so we settled on crepes (#5). Every hour on the hour the eiffel tower starts sparkling all over. So that's how we knew it was her birthday. We waited for it to sparkle and then sang the song... you know the one.

The next day I had a birthday crown for her to wear the whole day. It was particularly appropriate because we were heading to Versailles to see the castle. So everyone thought she was dumb for wearing her own crown to a palace. Ha... I found it hilarious. So yes after a breakfast crepe (#6) we hit up Versailles where we met the cast of Beauty and the Beast.

Cogsworth:

Lumiere:

Babette:

Here is the ballroom that Belle and the Beast dance in:

It was snowing hardcore, so I decided to warm up over a nice hamburger crepe (#7).

I just wanted to throw this in here... probably one of my most impressive pictures. I captured a giant bird trying to eat the eiffel tower. I am so selling this to the tabloids!

We got back to Paris and went to dinner for Megs birthday. I got a crepe for dinner (#8) and Megs got one with a candle (#9).

Our last morning in Paris we went to this outdoor market. I inquired as to where I could get a hearty crepe for breakfast. I was sent over to this 87 year old woman that looked like the bird lady from Home Alone 2. She spoke no English and didn't have the normal crepe ingredients on display... In fact their were no ingredients. As we approached she smiled and threw a crepe on her crepe warming machine and wadded it up in a paper towel and handed it to me. Not the tastiest crepe I have ever had, but still a positive experience. She knows Macaulay Culkin! Who cares what her crepes taste like? After I gobbled down crepe #10 we took off to Sacre Coeur.

It was a beautiful day! Sacre Coeur is the highest point in Paris, so we could see the entire city. It was incredible. There was a guy with a mic playing on the steps of Sacre Coeur singing all American songs with his European accent. It was such an interesting experience... the whole European audience singing American pop songs. We sat here for like an hour listening to him and looking over Paris.

At one point he asked if anyone was from the states. Meghan screamed out while the rest of us slowly raised our hands hoping he wouldn't make us come down. Well he did. We got down in front of an unfriendly crowd of Europeans and sang "Baby, One More Time" by Brittney Spears. Apparently I'm the only one up on my Brittney Spears lyrics, which meant I had to carry the group. But dude when that chorus came we were rocking. I think I might have seen someone crowd surf.

After our European debut I grabbed a crepe (#11) for lunch and we went to see Moulin Rouge. Super Shady.

While we hung out in the luggage locker room, waiting for our train... I grabbed a crepe (#12) and then we headed home.

I'm thinking about writing a book on Parisean crepes now. I feel like I'm more than qualified.